A time for change

The new year is upon us - 2012! Is it the apocalyptic end of the world as we know it or the start of the New Age? Not sure, but one thing I do know is that it will be a time of change for me on several levels. I just turned 48 years old which means I am undergoing "the change" and it is a very trying time both physically and mentally. I welcome the end result but just wish I had some idea of how long this is all going to take.

My stint as a mother will also change this year as I become the parent of two teenagers. From my experience with one so far, a lot of deep breathing is necessary for those unpredictable outbursts. But there is also so much new insight that can come from these developing young adults who are standing on their own two feet more and more. It's a challenge I look forward to since I see it as a way for us all to evolve into better human beings.

My yoga practice is undergoing perhaps the biggest change of anything in my life right now. There have been questions, doubts, resistance, you name it. I haven't even been doing yoga or meditating every day (gasp!). And this has been part of the transformation I think. There is a danger in following a practice slavishly just for the sake of it. I began to notice that the joy of the practice was diminishing the more I tried to do it by the book.

So I've taken a step back and am adopting a new approach which is more attuned to my overall well-being. Feels quite liberating and this morning I actually got up at a decent hour and had a very satisfying yoga session. I feel like I am now ready to commit to a 40 day practice again. We'll see how it goes.

Now that that is settled I'm hoping I can figure out what to do on the job front. I'll continue to teach classes this term although a bit of a wrench has been thrown into my plans. Basically I don't have a reliable locale in which to hold classes and I am reluctant to run around searching for a new place before each term start. But spring session is more or less secured and then comes the summer break. A lot can happen between now and then.

So I'm bracing for the changes and looking forward to the new places they'll take me. Happy New Year!

Background noise

Just back in from a walk around the center of town in the middle of the day when there is plenty of activity going on. Once again I've discovered that my mind has an easier time becoming quiet when there is some background noise as a setting. It helps me retreat deeper into myself into the calm waters, if you will, that keep me on an even keel regardless of the apparent storm raging around me. It is one thing to be able to sit in a silent room and meditate and another to meditate in the middle of a busy street. Don't get me wrong - I love sitting in a quiet cozy room on my soft woolly yoga mat for a meditation session. But when you can actually apply what you practice on the mat to everyday situations, I see that as progress!

This is what I try to convey to the people who come to my yoga classes and why sometimes it feels better if the neighbors above the yoga center are banging their pots and pans a little too loudly or if there are a few cars pulling in and out of the parking lot outside the door. How else can you learn to let the surrounding noise come and go if it's always silent? The thoughts generated in your own mind are deafening enough but I find that a bit of external noise softens the internal chatter a little.

The same principle applies to relaxing with and without music. Soothing melodies and healing mantras can be helpful tools for stressed out minds and bodies, which can barely lie still without twitching every few seconds, to come into a state of deep relaxation. But sometimes your breath or your heartbeat or even your thoughts are the best music to lull you into that restful state. Otherwise you might become conditioned to only feel relaxed if  you have the right music playing.

Some sounds, however, just don't mix at all with a meditative mind. The number one noise polluter that grates on my nerves to no end is the leaf blower! Somehow it has become adapted for year-round use and someone in our neighborhood has been starting one up every morning since last spring - arrrghh. I know, I know - take a deep breath...

Akal

Akal - undying. For Robert, November 18 2011.

Affirmations

Sometimes a few positive words can make a big difference in your day. My sister-in-law's mother passed away yesterday and my elderly father-in-law is currently at risk of doing the same. Not the cheeriest news to receive especially since the grief of my own father's passing is still tangible. But a simple reminder from an affirmation on a teabag tag helped me put things back into perspective for now: Life ends, love is endless.

There's no place like home

In my experience Sweden isn't the easy place to call home if you weren't born and bred here. The climate poses a real challenge, especially if you don't like the cold. But you can get around that by dressing warmly and always (I mean year round) have at least two layers handy. I must admit that we did have a beautiful summer this year and believe me I was very grateful! The tough part is the darkness. By November it pretty much feels like you're living in a cave. Sun comes up about 9 and goes down before 3; thing is, there usually isn't much sun so it's quite dim all day long. At least I don't live up north where the days are even shorter. See - I'm being grateful again :-)

Anyway, the last time I moved back here was after having lived in Hawaii for about a year. I spent so many of the following years just lamenting the move and wondering when and where we could move next. It wasn't productive and didn't make me a happy camper. When I started doing yoga on a regular basis things started to change. I experienced a gradual transformation on a lot of levels and discovered that home is indeed where the heart is.

I actually enjoy living here most of the time even though the cold and dark are still challenging. Today as I walked around my little town I thought about all the cool things that are available to me here. There are lots of wooded areas close by and I've found this great smooth slab of ice-age rock where I can sit and meditate sometimes. We have our very own viking village, constructed with the tools and methods used by the vikings. It's surrounded by meadows with a few sheep, cows and a couple of pigs.

Our town also has the most runestones per capita of any place in the country (maybe the world?)

Our woods have nice paths that you can walk, run, bike or ski on.

There are a couple of medieval churches in the neighborhood and just a 40 minute bike ride away is the Rosersberg Castle where you can enjoy the view from an outdoor café in summer. And if that doesn't suit your fancy we have a McDonalds ... and a Burger King!

I find it helpful to take inventory once in a while. To look around and appreciate what you have in your own backyard, even if it's dark outside.